Messing With the Mortal Mind
by milady dragon
Summary: AU - While Ianto is away, Jack plays.. Another story in the Armageddon-Verse


Messing with the Mortal Mind

Author: Milady Dragon

Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, which is a crying shame.

Author's note: Hey, everyone! I wrote this story a while back, for another challenge on Livejournal, and am just now getting around to posting it here. It's one in my Armageddon-Verse, coming after Welcome to Armageddon! and Worst Case Scenario. I do love this universe, it allows my weirdness to shine through! I also got this idea back when there were all those stories about the supposed end of the world...I'm sure you remember the ones!

Hope you enjoy it!

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><p>No one noticed the man walking down the street.<p>

He should have drawn attention. He was wearing a black suit and dress shirt, the only color in his ensemble being the blood-red tie he wore. He was handsome, with sharp blue eyes and a knowing smirk, and he strode along with a singleness of purpose that normally would have had the sparse crowd moving out of his way.

And, if all of those things didn't grab the attention, then the whacking great scythe he carried should have done the trick.

But no one did notice because, after all, no one noticed Death walking among them unless he wished it. He could have been slicing off heads right and left, and the glamour that kept him hidden from mortal eyes still would have kept him unseen.

Not that Ianto Jones would have ever done anything like that. He kept his scythe well-polished, and it was a bitch to buff out the little nicks that the shining blade would have gotten from cutting through neck bone.

Death made his way down the street, his smirk morphing into a full-blown smile as he caught sight of his destination. It was a smallish church, with one of those lit rental signs out in the front, and from what was written on it Ianto knew immediately what his lover had gotten up to while he'd been handling the sudden mass extinction of the Farazi, half a universe away.

_**THE END IS NIGH!**_

Apocalypse was such a kidder.

This was why Ianto didn't like to leave Jack to his own devices for too long. He knew exactly what the Celestial could get up to, and he had a feeling this was pretty minor, all told. It could have been worse.

He entered the church without having to open the doors. Ianto actually enjoyed being inside most religious structures; there was a sense of peace to them, and when one was a Horseman of Apocalypse peace was something that didn't happen all that often. But then, Peace was a Cherub of Harmony, and them and the Horsemen didn't hang out together all that much.

Ianto spotted his lover immediately, from where he stood next to the altar, staring up at a particularly fine stained glass representation of the Crucifixion. He shook his head, resting his scythe on his shoulder, his free hand on his hip. "What we need," he said, smile turning back into the familiar smirk, "is a leash. And I don't mean that in a pleasurable way. I leave you for two days…"

Jack Harkness turned then strode toward Death, meeting the smirk with his own, blinding smile. "It's not my fault some of these people are so gullible." He stopped just inside Ianto's personal space. "Besides, it's fun to nonplus the self-proclaimed prophets. Some of them don't have the common sense of a table lamp."

Well, Ianto had to agree, but he wasn't going to give Jack that pleasure. He let out a put-upon sigh. "What was it this time, then? A great asteroid? A plague? Oh wait, I know…alien invasion."

"Nope," Apocalypse answered, resting one hand on Ianto's hip. "The Rapture."

Death couldn't help but snort. "And they believed you?"

"I gave him an actual date and time. You wouldn't believe how fast it got around!"

"Sometimes I wish these mortals would read their own religious texts."

Jack laughed. "If they did that, I wouldn't have so much fun!"

"And now, I suppose you're horny."

"You know me so well." Apocalypse leered. "You…me…the scythe…the coat…we have all the makings of a really good time."

"The last time we exercised your scythe kink, the handle was left disgustingly mucilaginous."

Jack's eyes went dark with desire. "Oh, say that again."

"Not in a church. Have some respect, Jack."

"Will you say it later?"

"Yes, I will," Ianto answered playfully. It amused him that, while most lovers were turned on by dirty talk, Jack got off on fairly innocuous words, as long as Ianto said them.

Apocalypse winked, then took Ianto's free hand and pulled him out of the church. "You know," he mused as they made their way down the street, "it's not quite as fun whispering chaos in a person's ear as it used to be. Those Mayans…now, they understood Apocalypse. It just took a few words, and they were claiming the world would end in all sorts of nasty ways…"

"Those were good times. New souls on a daily basis…" Ianto agreed nostalgically.

"Yep. The Meso-Americans knew how to party." Jack squeezed his hand. "Two days is too long, you know. I missed you."

If Ianto had had a beating heart, it would have melted. "I missed you too. Death on a planet-wide scale just isn't as fun without you."

"Aw…you say the nicest things."

Ianto rolled his eyes. "Let's get back. I don't think I can stand the sappiness any longer."

And the two men walked through the crowd, no one noticing that Death and Apocalypse were among them.

They really should have, but that was the way of things.


End file.
